Why Denis Leary Sucks, Part Two

Denis Leary

Madam is assigning some homework, respectfully requesting that you read “Why Denis Leary Sucks, Part One” (below) before attempting this highly-advanced analysis of the “edgy” comedian’s latest work. Tee-hee.

You know what really sucks about Denis Leary’s most recently published harangue? I don’t think he means (most of) it. I really don’t. Which, once again, brings up the question of laziness. But before we go there, let’s consider the following:

1) Throughout his book, Leary has no problem declaring and demonstrating his obvious love, and lust, for his wife and mother of his two children, whom he also seems to truly adore (a son and a daughter). He is a Family Man. Denis Leary is a Family Man Who Loves His Fucking Family! Get it?!

2) He also has no problem asserting that should his (or any other heterosexual man’s) wife die, said man will “be very, very sad, for a long, long time. Like three weeks.”

And after said three-week mourning period? Your grieving husband will meet a hottie who is willing to put out, and all will be right with the world! Because that’s the way God made Dudes, you see, to be nothing more than “Big, Hungry, Horny, Simple Guys.”

Really, Denis? You may think this weak-ass “joke” will make some of your half-witted fans chortle (and you would be right) because they are Manly Men, like the Manly Man you play on the telly. But, honestly, I don’t think even you buy what you are selling anymore. I think you’d be fucking devastated if your wife died. And rightly so; she sounds like a cool chick.

“But it’s funny!”

No, it’s not. In fact, it’s fucking boring. It’s also insulting. Leary might as well just come out and say “my beautiful, wonderful, patient wife is little more than a hole in which I am allowed to stick My Awesome and Almighty Penis.”

***

One of the things I like about Denis Leary’s books is how they read just like his stand-up comedy act would sound. You can really “hear” Leary’s voice in this book, which is awesome.

Until he spends six pages commenting on how us Ladyfolk talk too much.

Denis, darling, as a Man Who Makes His Fucking Living Flapping His Lips, please, for the love of all that is Holy, STOP TALKING about how women “talk too much!” Ya hear me, fella? SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE HOLE!

As you can see, there are very few things that get under Madam’s skin more than Men Who Are Paid to Talk blathering on (and on) about how women – who are, in most cases, only paid to talk if they pass the Pretty Test – talk too fucking much.

Seriously, Dudes, you doth protest way, way too much.

To be continued…

Published in: on June 28, 2009 at 23:23  Leave a Comment  
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